I know most people are genuinely curious as to why people don’t leave abusive relationships despite suffering domestic violence.
Why People Don’t Leave Abusive Relationships
This is because sometimes you genuinely feel sorry for your abuser. You feel like leaving them in that state (because they still act like they can’t live without you) will ruin them. You keep waiting for the perfect time when they are stable enough. You keep trying to help your abuser.
You impress upon yourself that you can take it, you don’t mind taking it. A lot of people have it worse than you. You willingly make yourself their punching bag in so far it makes them feel better. You’re still concerned about this person, you still wish them well.
You convince yourself that you can help them. That it is your purpose to help them. Because most of them have stories of people hurting them deeply and people doing vile unspeakable things to them. You believe it is not their fault. If you can just love this person enough.
If you can make them trust again. If you can show them the world is not so bad. You accept it as your lot. You take it upon yourself to make them believe again, to trust again. You absolve them of their own faults.
The world was cruel to them you think, they have a right to feel and behave this way you tell yourself. Most people who stay with abusers do it willingly. They know they can always leave, disappear.
But staying sometimes is borne out of concern for this person. You fear abandoning them might make them hurt themselves which is not good for your own conscience. It’s all goes back to genuinely caring about the person and trying to fix them.
It’s in your head. You mentally psyche yourself into believing you are the one that has been chosen to help this person. Getting physically attacked by them you chalk up to the process.
It’s harder to leave when you have made yourself the self sacrificial lamb for their return to wellbeing.
Why are you still in that abusive relationship? No, don’t say you don’t have a choice. You have a choice. Leave, run away, before you end up dead.
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