This was my “that did not just happen” moment in my relationship with Annie.
On the 16th of September 2018, my Girlfriend texted me:
“I’m getting married, I’m sorry”
I briefly dated this girl for a few months and from the story, I’m about to tell, you can guess why.
I had known Annie for a really really long time. We went to Catholic Secondary schools that would meet up every once in a while for the fun of it. I went to a boys-only boarding school, so any opportunity to interact with the opposite sex was met with fierce enthusiasm.
Over the years we grew closer and closer. I became her confidant through a lot of her stupid relationship choices. I remember I kept asking myself why she kept dating losers (While also wondering why she didn’t see me, who was clearly smitten with her)
It took 9 years, a growth spurt and a downward shift in my vocal cords before she finally saw me as a potential mate. After one night together, every question I ever had in the past about why her relationships kept crashing was answered in the following weeks.
FIRST RELATIONSHIP FIGHT
Our first fight was over my lacklustre response to a text she sent me:
Me: Hey beautiful
Annie: Hi babe
Me: What’s up? How are you?
Annie: I’m fine. I’m headed out actually. Dinner.
Me: oh, cool. Have a good time
Annie: it’s with a guy btw
*Five minutes of radio silence*
Annie: that’s it? You’re okay with me going out with another guy?
Me: You just said he’s a friend.
Annie: I’m going to dinner with a guy you don’t know. It’s an expensive place. You’re not even bothered? What if he tries something?
Me: I’m confused. You just said he’s your friend, if you’re worried about all this stuff, why are you going? I’m not bugging because I believe you.
Annie: THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!!! What kind of boyfriend are you?
Me: a sane one. *Wink*
In retrospect, maybe the winky face was a bit cheeky. I ended up answering the phone call of a very angry girlfriend who apparently thought I implied she was insane. I honestly don’t remember how that fight ended, but clearly, it wasn’t really settled because the next week I got the text.
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Annie: I’m getting married, I’m sorry.
Me: Babe, I’m really stoned at the moment… I’m too lazy to type. Stop playing.
Annie: *sends a picture of the engagement ring on her finger*
Now I was paying attention, well as much attention as a stoned young man can pay, which is not a lot, but enough for this.
Me: I don’t care who gave that to you. Take it off and call me. Now
Annie: I can’t, he’s still with me, we’re in the car.
Me: wtf is going on? This isn’t funny, Who proposed to you? Where are you? Why did you say yes?
You know, sometimes when I think back to this moment, I try to imagine her face while she was reading these texts. For some reason, I always picture it like:
But I digress.
Annie: remember the guy from the other time? The one who took me to dinner? We’ve been friends for a while, I knew he liked me, but he never acted on it, so I forgot about it. When we went out he kept saying all these things about regretting not taking his chance with me and I thought it was very nice.
But I told him I have a boyfriend, and then he said he was looking for a wife and not a girlfriend. He didn’t bring it up again until last night. We were dancing and he kept saying he saw a future together for us, and next thing I knew he was on his knees in the middle of the restaurant and I didn’t want to embarrass him so I said yes.
Me: You’re ly… *delete* That’s the dumbest… *delete*. Why the fuck would you… *delete*. Why didn’t you just say no later in the car?
Annie: I was overwhelmed. And then he called his friends and his mother and I couldn’t do that to him.
Me: so you’re engaged to someone you have no interest in. And you’re letting him call people to announce your engagement, and you’re still wearing the FUXKING RING!!! WHEN YOU KNOW IT ISNT WHAT YOU WANT?!?
Annie: we’ve talked about this. You know I want to get married, and it’s not like I don’t think he’s attractive. I just wanted to be honest with you, because I know you aren’t ready for that yet, but it’s what I really want.
Me: Okay then. Get married.
Now, you might be thinking that I was bullshitting.
See, I’d been listening to Patrice O’Neal on The Black Phillip show, and while I didn’t agree with a lot of his philosophy, I always remembered how he said that when in an argument with your partner, to never approach things on the same emotional level as she is. So I called her bluff; instead of cursing and yelling and berating like I wanted to, I pretended I didn’t care.
She did not like that at all. So she called me
“ I should break up with you honestly. I’ve never met someone so disconnected from someone they claim to love. Despite the number of years we’ve been friends and now more, you won’t fight for me? You’re just going to let him take me forever? Clearly, you don’t care about me, because if you did, you’d come find me, and take me home, because I’m supposed to be yours. I thought I found someone that is willing to take a chance even when he’s not sure what the outcome will be, someone willing to give everything to be with me, that’s real love Azu… that’s real love” *click*
Then she sent a text right after.
“I’m not really getting married, my friend is proposing to his girlfriend and I was just playing with the ring. I’m glad it revealed your real feelings”
I was livid. I was also really scared because I did love her. I had for a long time. I had waited and waded through all the bullshit with her and I finally had what I wanted and the person I wanted seemed to enjoy fucking with me just for the hell of it. I sat there for a while just staring at the text and thinking about all the hoops I’d been jumping through since the “relationship” began, the more I thought, the angrier I got. So I sent her a voice message:
“ You know who I am, and you know how I am, you brought up how long we’ve been friends and how I’m supposed to love you but didn’t consider any of that while you staged this whole farce. You did this as some sort of sick test of love and now you’re annoyed because I didn’t Hulk out and come find you? What did you think would happen?
Did you think I’d buy a coat of armour and throw my gauntlet down or something? Defend your honour? You thought I’d get into a car and come “take you home because you’re mine?”
Like some Girlfriend repo-man? You’re not an object, you’re an adult. You made a conscious decision to fake a marriage proposal and somehow developed genuine annoyance at my reaction? This is crazy, you’re crazy, that dude is crazy, the person that gave you a phone and subscribed you to a data plan is crazy. But most of all I’m crazy because I actually thought being with you was a good idea”
There was a lot more after this because we met up later that week, but that’s a story for another day. Believe it or not, my goofy ass still stayed with her into early 2019. It’s done now anyway, but that is still the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced in a relationship.
Do you also have a “that did not just happen” moment in a relationship you want to share with us? Leave us a comment below.