Sexual Assault – Most of the time, rapists are people you know and trust. People who are close to you and you consider them family or friends. Stop protecting rapists.
On August 22nd 2019, I turned 21 years old and was raped while I was unconscious in my own bedroom after a day of celebrating. The person who did it, a member of the UH Alphas, was someone I considered a friend and someone I never thought would hurt me.
I tried to convince myself that I made it up or that it didn’t happen, because why would he ever do that to me right? I was in denial because again, it was done by someone I trusted but often times it is done by people you know and trust.
I was told that he was “suspended” and was not allowed to attend events or represent his organization. Yet homecoming week he was in attendance at all of the events. I stayed in because I don’t know how I will react to seeing him again. How is it fair for me to adjust my life due to what was done to me while he gets to be out living his life normally.
I went to the police 2 days after to file a report, shock was the most awful experience ever. I picked a female officer, hoping that she would understand, but it went just as bad. She kept on referring to him as my “friend” and that “maybe things just happened the way it did”.
When I told her I was scared to pursue this criminally, she asked me if I was Hispanic. After I said yes, she told me “I see why, your parents will just tell you that’s why you shouldn’t have gotten so drunk.” She also failed to mention getting a rape kit done.
She called me 2-3 hours later mentioning the rape kit. She also said they would call me a couple of days later to check up on me and see if I wanted to press charges. It’s been 3 months and I have not received a call.
Despite how many horror stories I have heard about how awful schools are at handling cases, I went to Title IX, hoping and praying that UH would be different. The case has been going on for almost 3 months now and nothing. Only one employee was extremely helpful.
My mental and emotional state has been awful since then. I have thought about suicide a handful of times but God has given me so many amazing people to keep me pushing, which is why I’m okay with speaking about this now. They were the ones holding my hand the next morning helping me call rape centers and trying to find resources for me when I didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed. I didn’t want to go to the school or the police but they gave me the strength to do so.
Something else I have came to a realization is how often this happens, which is why I’m using my voice to say something about it. I’m doing this for those who might be scared to say anything, because if I’m being honest, I’m shaking as I’m typing this.
But we are worth so much more and deserve justice. We are worth it. We will not just be another number or just another victim. We deserve much more.
This happened the first week of school. This has been my worst semester. I had to drop a class (which I have never had to do), I stopped going to one of my classes, there were times that I didn’t go to practice because I was so sad and unmotivated.
Since then, only 2 of the UH Alphas reached out to me. One of them still to this day still reaches out to me to check up on me. All of the other ones have remained silent.
The thing about this is that I have found out about other girls who have had the same experience with the same person. Two of his LBS who were there that night lied in their statements about what happened. Clearly this is a problem they know about. STOP PROTECTING RAPISTS.
I have been quiet, only a handful of people have known about this, but I refuse to let this get swept under the rug. It’s not fair for me to not be able to go out and return home crying because memories get brought up. It’s not fair that going to surprise birthday parties.
I can no longer celebrate or think about my birthday the same. When people ask me how my 21st birthday went, I have to lie and say it went amazing. The 22nd of every month is just a reminder of what happened that day.
I never in a million years did I think this would happen to me. Now I see why people are scared to come out and say something. We are supposed to trust the police and the school yet they fail us. Why is it that rape doesn’t get taken seriously?
Whether you are a man or woman. Whether you were sober or not. Whether you wanted to at first and then realized that you didn’t want to. Whether you were pressured into it or not. It does not matter. Rape is rape and it should be taken serious.
I hope that my story brings awareness and maybe gives other survivors some strength and hope. Again, we are worth and deserve so much more. We are loved, and I promise you you are not alone.