Reality Is Perception – I met a guy on Tinder. Yes, just one guy. You will soon understand why.
Reality Is Perception
Prior to our date, we chatted via text as many Tinderians do before meeting. I told him that I was studying to become a psychologist.
He asked, “Are you going to analyze me?”
First turn-off. I told him bluntly that I hate when people say that.
A few hours before our first date, he asked if we could push back the time— by over an hour— without explanation or apology.
Second turn-off. I considered cancelling the date.
When I showed up to the date 15-minutes late in an Uber, he passive-aggressively asked, “Don’t you live a block away?”
In fact, I lived a 5-minute walk from where I met him and Ubering took longer than that. But, that’s neither here nor there…
Third turn-off. How dare he comment on my means of travel.
I was prepared not to like him and to use every noticeable flaw as an excuse to stop talking to him after this night. I would have told myself, “at least I made an effort…”.
Mid-date, I became aware that I didn’t dislike him. Even more surprising, conversing with him was actually enjoyable in spite of the prior turn-offs.
By the end of our second date, we became absolutely inseparable.
Four years later, I am married to one of the best people I have ever known. I am so happy that I decided not to let those initial turn-offs determine whether or not this person was worth meeting.
Once we got to know each other better, my now-husband confessed that he, too, considered cancelling our first date due to me having been a pain in the ass during our text-conversation(s). LOL. I don’t blame him. Thank God for second chances.
What turns a person off is less important than why it turns them off. In my case, my “turn-offs” were indicators of my own insecurities.
I dreaded disappointment so much that I sought out reasons why something wouldn’t work out instead of just “enjoying the ride”. Basically, self-sabotage. People’s words cannot always be taken at face value. I think we often underestimate how complicated communication is.
I believe that reality is perception. This is something I have learned in my personal life as well as in my studies and training in psychology. It applies to my article in that there are infinite possibilities for how someone may perceive my story depending on whose particular viewpoint you take.
I welcome and respect everyone’s opinion whether it is favorable to me or not. The fact that a multitude of people can look at the same thing and yet perceive something entirely different from one another is why I love the field of psychology.
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