I have only gone back to one ex girlfriend out of many who I have dated through my life. I’ve even broke up with her in a harsh way, no explanation, no closure, because I was angry with her behavior and a lot of things she said, and did, which she didn’t realize were very damaging because she was younger, much younger than I.
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The only reason I said yes to her to be together and we have now been together for about 9 years, is due to these following reasons:
- She never contacted me, emailed me, text me to try to get some closure. Nor did she contact me to try to act like she dumped me or trying to save face. She was smart enough to know that I was angry and to try to contact me after I blocked her on everything by some means, to then bring things up and explain would only have pushed me further away.
- She gave me space. 1 year space. Not a word from her. She didn’t like my post, she didn’t stalk me and did what many girls would try to do.
- After 6 months, she sent me an email, that was heartfelt, reminding me of what she saw in me, how she cherished the relationship, and how she made so many mistakes. I felt humbled actually reading her words. For someone young to be so brave, open, and honest about her mistakes, and naming what she did and apologizing sincerely for what she did. For me, it seemed she has grown and it seemed she dated some guys and karma hit her. She saw how it felt to give to someone, share affection, share feelings and emotions of love, lust, romance and getting nothing much back, hurt her deeply. She now saw and felt how it was for me.
- I didn’t reply because it brought back memories of what she did but I was happy for her, that she has grown, that she decided to let go of the mind games she admitted and how she learned them and how she was just afraid, felt insecure that why an older man who traveled the world, experienced so much in life would want to even have her in his life. She didn’t realize, that I didn’t want anything. What I wanted was to just love someone, to give, because that is my personality. I have mentor personality, teacher personality, dominant personality and a personality that just wants to share and see someone grow like and see how my giving has made someone’s life that I care about and love has made a difference but the more she did these things, those behaviors, the more I thought relationship with me felt like it was too much for her, too burdensome, too much of a big decision to make, and too much lack of trust.
- For another 6 months I didn’t respond and when I did, we talked on phone. Again she apologized, she took responsibility for her doing. In doing so, it made me look at myself too and I also took responsibility for my doing. When someone doesn’t come at you trying to be right and you wrong, but they show something you didn’t see in a lot of people, you see kindness, love, you see someone’s grown, change, sincere, through months of conversation, emails, text, you begin to also want to share what you are responsible for.
- She reciprocated more, she learned my personality and only later, I learned about hers. I felt to do so because she is serious about me. She was now putting the serious effort and refrained from other behaviors that only triggered me to be angry later on with her.
- She communicated in a more honest way, more loving, more affection way rather than what she did before.
All of this enabled me to now believe, “yes, I can see we can be together for future.” I could see she is part of my future.
No one has done that for me but she did, and that is why I valued what she did so much more, and felt drawn to her stronger than before. Her attractive qualities shined through more than her drama and gamey behavior.
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Again, I have never gone back to an ex, except this once.
You now know the reason why.