It was my senior year in high school and everyone was looking forward to going away for college and university. I was almost raped by my bestie.
During this time, I believe it was January, my best friend (Sam) had introduced me to one of her other friends. He was this tall and very handsome guy with beautiful curly hair. Let’s call him “Carl” for privacy reasons.
Throughout the next few months, Carl and I became very close. So close that the both of us would hang out without my best friend. Carl was always there when I needed him, listened to all my problems and helped me, bought food for me, complimented me, and always made me feel better about myself. I ended up falling in love and so did he.
Fast forward to March of that year. Carl invites me over to his home so that we could hang out. I lied to my father and told him I was going to the college I was accepted into for a tour.
Upon arriving at Carl’s, we watched a horror movie and had some fruit. In the middle of the movie, he kissed me. It wasn’t the greatest kiss but it was something because it was my first. A while into kissing, he moved his hands under my hoodie and started groping my breast. I pushed him back and said that I wanted to take things slow. I advised him sternly that I was not looking to do anything else.
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He laughed it off and told me to “come on”. He ended up kissing me again and this time before I could do anything, he picked up and went to his bedroom. From there he threw me on the bed and placed himself on top of me. At this point I could not breathe. I was staring at the ceiling with my eyes welling up. He was placing his hands everywhere and anywhere. His hands were moving down my stomach slowly and they ended up grabbing the waistband of my sweatpants.
I quickly grabbed his hand and told him to stop. He laughed again and tugged hard at my pants but I would not let go of his hand. I managed to kick him off of me and run out of his bedroom. From there I grabbed my jacket and my boots and ran into the apartment hallway. Panicking, I hit the elevator button like crazy and rushed into the elevator as soon as it opened.
Once inside, I clicked the close button as fast as I could but noticed someone’s foot in between the doors. I looked up and it was Carl. My head went blank and out of fear I kicked his foot out of the door. He tumbled backwards and gave me a hard look. The elevator door finally closed and I managed to catch my breath.
After that incident, we never spoke again. He found a new girl a few days later and ended up spreading rumors about me around the school. He was telling everyone that I was having sex with him when I wasn’t.
This was something that happened during the lowest points in my life. I was on the verge of committing suicide (already had attempted it twice), cutting myself, seeing various social workers and counselors, arguing on and off with my parents, confused about my religion and how to tell my parents I was not religious, looking for love, and trying to overcome the negativity that comes with being in high school.
Sam found out what had happened and wanted to speak to Carl about it. However, since Carl ended up doing what he did I advised her not to. Sam respected that and we decided it was best for the both of us to leave it as it was and to move on without him.
I ended up graduating high school with the highest honor in my province. This came as a shock to me as I thought I would never have been able to make it. After that, I went off to college and enjoyed every bit of it.
Fast forward to 2017, I am laying on my bed finishing up some coursework when I receive a phone call from a number I am not aware of. I answer the call and hear a male voice on the other end. It’s him. Carl.
I hang up and realize that he ends up texting me and calling me numerous times, I message Sam right away and ask her why he’s calling me.
Sam: I thought that I should give your number to him so that you both could make amends.
Me: Sam! Are you serious? You knew about everything he did to me and yet you still decide to give my new number to him! You didn’t even ask me!
Sam: I know, I am so sorry. I just thought that it would be better for the both of you to reconnect like old friends.
At this point, I am super frustrated. However, as a young girl who was still looking for love and was taught to forgive and move on because “the world deserves love and peace”, I decided to make amends.
This was clearly not the right thing for me to do and I thought highly foolish of it. However, my parent’s morals and values were nagging at my head. Some people do not deserve to be forgiven; however, that is not how we raised you. Learn from your actions and those of others. Forgive and move on. Life is only so short.
I wanted to curse at the voice in my head because one part of me knew that this was definitely not the right thing to do. However, the side of me which for some reason still had feelings for him was telling me to give it a chance.
I decided to give Carl a call and he answered right away.
Me: Hey … whats up?
Carl: Not much … I was wondering if you wanted to come over since we haven’t seen each other in years.
I drop my phone. It lands right on my ankle and I let out a silent moan. These were the exact words he had said to me three years prior.
Me; Uh .. sure. But not today.
I clearly was not thinking when I said this. I really thought that he may have changed and yet again, my parents voice was going off in my head.
A few days later I went over and he was very laid back and kind about everything. He apologized for what had happened a few years prior and I forgave him. We were in high school and stuff happens so I did not really think much of it.
After one of my lectures one day, I went over to his house again. He ended up helping me with one of my situations that I was dealing with. During this, he ended up kissing me.
Carl: I have wanted to do that for so long.
I look at him and slowly get up. I see the door and try to calculate how long it would take me to grab my bag and shoes and run out of there. He notices and quickly picks me up and takes me to his bedroom. He throws me on the bed … once again, and forces my clothes off.
The room is dark and I am freaking out at this point. I can’t see what he’s doing and a few minutes later I feel something hard and skin like push against me.
He’s trying to insert it inside me … I think to myself shocked.
My head at this point is thumping. I can feel my vein pumping so rapidly I felt like it was going to explode any second.
He’s still trying to put it in while I’m screaming “No! Stop! It hurts!”. He doesn’t seem to hear my screams.
I grab onto the bed sheets hard, pull my right leg back, and kick him hard in the chest. He ends up tumbling back hard and hitting his back against the wall.
I quickly get up throw on my pants and top and run out the room, locking the door behind me. I manage to grab my bag and my shoes and run out the door.
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I was crying the whole way home. The moment I got in I texted Sam the following:
Me: You thought that I could make amends with him, but I can’t. He forced me to have sex with him again. I really do not know what you’re trying to do but I am infuriated with the fact that you even gave him my new number in the first place. Even after you knew everything he did to me!
She replied mentioning that she was truly sorry and did not know that it was going to happen again.
I ended up losing all contact with Sam and Carl. Blocked them on everything possible.
Today, I am much healthier, wiser, and have never told anyone about this except my partner and well, now Quora.
The main things I learned after this are the following:
1. Follow your gut feeling.
2. You cannot trust anyone, even those that you grew up with.
3. If you’re young and looking for love, just be patient. It will come to you, I promise.
4. Please call 911 if you are ever in a similar situation. Ask anyone for help.