If you want something, you need to become it. So if you want to attract love, then you need to become someone who’s loving. That is how you find love.
If you are stuck trying to solve a problem, more often the issue is not with how you’re approaching it, but with who is approaching it.
It’s a question of “who do I need to be?” as opposed to “what do I need to do?” As Albert Einstein once said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
You’ve got to become a new person in order to get to where you need to be.
Everyone is like a magnet. Reflecting onto you parts of who you are. If you’re friendly, then everyone will seem friendly too, or if you play the victim, everyone will seem like a tyrant to you.
And if you feel that “people don’t care about me,” then you are simply absorbed in your own happiness at the expense of others. Or if you “don’t get enough love,” then you are simply not giving love to others.
The way to become that loving, exciting person who others want to know is easy: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it,” as told by the poet Rumi.
You simply picture the type of person you want to be and surrender all forms of resistance that are preventing you from being that.
Ultimately, people are interested in your quality of beingness. Your openness, sharingness, and willingness to help. For deep down, everyone just wants a space where they are comfortable being themselves.
“People think you want them to do something or say something special…you don’t. You just want them to be themselves, so you can be yourself,” once said John Lennon.
People are searching for someone who is comfortable being himself so that they can also learn to enjoy their true selves.
So take the initiative. Don’t outsource your happiness onto a relationship in the hopes that it will make you happier.
For all happiness comes from within.
“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth. There is a reason they all start with “self.” You can not find them in anyone else.” — Unknown
As Pakistani politician Ahmed Tariq once said, “self-love should form the foundation for every other love in your life. How can you be capable of loving someone else before you learn to fall in love with all the broken parts of yourself that you hide from the world?”
You need to learn to be alone. To sit with through all the ugliness and shame surrounding yourself and still have the courage to say to yourself, “it’s okay, I understand, I forgive you.”
Intimacy is knowing and being known for you who you really are in all areas of your life. And bringing all of you, and they bring all of them to the center of the relationship. With both being received, accepted and love exactly for who they are without trying to change each other.
But in order to reach this level of intimacy, you need to know exactly who you are and they need to know exactly who they are.
Maybe not 100%, because by then you would have reached enlightenment. But you have to at least be on the path towards self-healing. Towards greater acceptance and respect for the best in you.
And as you learn to be love instead of seeking it, you will realize that love is more powerful than hate. Truth more freeing than lies. And courage more empowering than fear. As spiritual teacher, David R. Hawkins once said, “simple kindness to one’s self and all that lives is the most powerful transformational force of all. It produces no backlash, has no downside, and never leads to loss or despair.”
Love is like an infinite ocean that never runs out. The more love you give, the quicker and stronger it embeds into your being.
So learn to grow your capacity to love by learning to be alone. To go deep into your core so you can extract as much love for yourself and so have more to share with others.
Go out on a date with yourself. For now, focus all your attention and energy on loving yourself.
For once you do, you’ll be able to recognize the partner that you want. They’re just waiting for you to become who you are meant to be.
– Marcelo S.L. Fernandes