First of all let me say getting friend-zoned is not a rejection so many guys are taking it for (girls are often better at taking this in stride). “Let’s just be friends” is not the same as, “Lose my number” or “I don’t want you in my life.”
Getting Friend-zoned Is Not A Rejection
“Let’s just be friends” is not even, “I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole and wouldn’t marry you even if the human race were to go extinct.” Nope. She would quite possibly go out with you if she didn’t find other men even more interesting than she may be finding you.
And it’s possible she finds you highly interesting and desirable but simply has even more interesting and desirable men around her, expressing interest in her. Supply and demand, you know (without meaning to make this shallow) — a matter of her options.
Or sometimes she’s in a triangle sort of situation that she needs to get out of and no choice will be perfectly good (or perfectly bad).
So again, chances are the LJBF (Let’s Just Be Friends), however it is in fact obviously a non-relationship, is not the rejection you are taking it for.
For example sometimes I have to LJBF women, but I emphatically refuse to call that a rejection or refer to such women as suitable. I respect them, I often love them in a way (and sometimes in that way), a lot of them are better people than I am. But for some reason I don’t find a relationship to be the best choice for the both of us.
Same with women. Women other than the women who collect ‘friends’ as beta orbiters, i.e. a reserve pool from when she’s done trying her luck with better guys, or a reservoir of free service/benefit providers.
There are indeed women who think or more likely semi-consciously feel like this: ‘Why would I want to have a relationship with him, if I can already get so much from him as friend? Why give him more?’ This is your typical selfish opportunistic person. While a lot of women are in fact like this, not all are.
And some think: ‘He is such a valuable friend, why would I risk such a valuable friendship on the uncertain premise of a romance that might or might not work, and upon not working out it could deprive me of his valuable friendship?’ Men also think or feel like this.
In fact it’s possible you’re acting on attraction and thinking with your hormones, while your lady friend who would possibly not be far from loving you, realizes that the relationship doesn’t have much potential, so let’s have at least friendship.
This is the kind of maturity that comes more easily to women than to men due to how men’s attraction works. Those women are often right. And are in a way more really, truly loving than the man who’s not being rational with his flashing crush or attraction.
Some girls, a lot of girls even, look for a ‘male friend’. Someone whom they reject for a relationship, but who will still provide the romantic benefits of escorting them around, taking them to theaters and operas and whatever, listening to them, showing them he cares, supplying the shoulder to cry or just lean on, even making the girl look good before her friends due to being in the company of that man.
And this is something I don’t provide. Unless I want to. I usually don’t. If I make an exception, it’s based on good reasons. My actual friends are entitled to this, as long as the lines don’t get too blurred (singles get more leeway than taken women if something looks semi-romantic).
If they are looking for a male friend like that, it really is not you but they (‘it’s not about you, it’s about me,’ she says). You can’t help that unless you’re willing to take a gamble. I probably wouldn’t unless I appreciated having her as a friend.
And some girls friend-zone you to see if you’re genuine. Their genuine can meet two opposite things:
1. That you will “fight for her” (a favourite phrase to many women; such women I prefer to avoid and advise any other man to avoid), even after she has given you at least one rejection. This used to be a frequent test (yes, counterpart to modern ‘shit tests’) in ages past. It is still practiced in today’s conservative circles.
2. That you will “be there for her as her friend” (stress probably on ‘for her’; you’re smart enough to figure out on your own what this means); this is also testing your ability and willingness to ‘accept her decision’; once she confirms to herself that you will accept and respect her decisions… she tries to unfriend-zone you!
Possibly the very moment she senses you have moved on with your life, which also proves you have a life besides (not beside) her — something women find attractive, and I find such attraction to be quite immature and based on a common misunderstanding, like a lot of women’s calculations and shortcuts as to who’s going to be the best partner they can get. (Female intuition and alleged superior real and emotional intelligence in these matters is a fable; they are as confused as men are, if not more; probably more.)
Either of the two is at the very least an elaborate form of non-direct communication. At its worst it’s confusion and non-malevolent manipulation. Bottom line: it’s not mature relationship-making. It’s not something — and here’s big takeaway for you — not something you have to accept from them as a man.
Young kings stop taking things so seriously. Take love seriously but not dating. I mean, maintain your ethics, of course, but don’t get gloomy and all. If you’re gloomy all the time and in a sad mood, go to your doctor and talk about serotonin inhibition.
Sometimes people think it’s men or women making them unhappy, while it’s diet or lack of exercise or some other bad environmental conditions, e.g. lack of sleep, lack of sunshine or whatever. And that unhappiness is of course a deterrent that makes the opposite sex take a step back and avoid association.
Again, being the best guy you can be is the optimal way out of getting friend-zoned all the time.