I know a lot of marriages won’t last simply because both people go in with their own agenda; no coherence of purpose anywhere and they fail to grasp the keys to a successful marriage. Also, a lot of people will put more energy and planning into having a talk of the town wedding than they’ll put into marriage itself.
A closer look at things, in any society that’s not functioning properly you’ll find out that what’s going on in the aggregate of the families is what is reflecting on the larger society itself.
An effective way to destroy a nation is to destroy family values; the core of family values is to unlocking the keys to a successful marriage to the benefit of the larger society.
These days all you hear is the talk of “if you’re unhappy even for one second walk away!”. A marriage shouldn’t take work, it is meant to be enjoyed at all times at all moments. It’s better to walk away for your own selfish issues than to work through a faulty marriage.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all marriage should be endured. Marriage should be a source of love and support but sometimes it doesn’t turn out that way. People are abused physically and emotionally to the point where the abuse exceeds the bearable.
But we have to understand this, “A successful marriage is an accomplishment, not just for the people in it but for the society at large.” It is a responsibility we owe to ourselves and our society to put as much work as needed into it to make it work.
We like to think of sanity as something each of us carry around internally and own exclusive of everyone else and to an extent, that is true. But also, sanity is a function of the family. It is what ensures we are well socialized functional members of the society.
It checks us, let us know when our behaviour is unacceptable and when we’re doing the wrong things. It holds up the mirror with which we examine ourselves. It “raises us in the path we should go”.
And to a great extent, the cumulative effect of well socialized children coming out of good, well balanced society is what makes societies good.
We can see now that the job of nation building starts with nurturing good marriages that brings about well socialized children, because families are like distributed marketplaces for sanity.
In the animal kingdom, pair bonding(marriage) is a common strategy which facilitates the long term relationships that are fundamental to raising offsprings stably and to socialize them properly in the long term which brings about a more stable society.
Pair bonding in humans provide a platform for two people to work out their personal issues as a unit through dialogue, negotiation and conflict, yes, conflict! Also, the two of you as married folks are going to face the madness of life together which makes it a bit more bearable.
Intimate relationships give us the narrative of our lives, it provides you with a companion who knows who you are, it helps you stay sane because you have someone who acts as the shock absorber for the pot holes on journey of marriage life.
An intimate relationship provides a stable environment for raising children, it is the minimal necessary social structure that other structures can be built upon.
And just to bring a little bit of facts in;
75% of people polled in a Pew Research Center Research in the USA, found out that the most fulfilling part of their lives is their intimate relationships.
We don’t have the data for Ghana but even people who are raised in environments more volatile for marriage claim that’s intimate relationships are the most essential part of their lives.
Anything that’ll come good requires work, dedication, sacrifice and negotiation. You are two separate people and you’ll have different needs and opinions about different things. This is why communication and negotiation should be paramount. Always leave the communication channels open.