Conflict was with man since the disagreement between Cain and Abel. The approach to dealing with, managing and resolution of conflicts has been on an evolutionary journey.
In a lecture delivered by Pastor K, as part of a bi-annual couples’ counseling session, a program geared towards building a happy and bonded marriages, he explains the main causes of conflicts and what informs it as well as ways to find resolutions.
What Are C
Arguments, disagreements, misunderstanding and it could get serious if allowed to grow. When people disagree on opinions, interests and points of view, conflicts build up. But there are fundamental causes that needs to be understood to be able to know what informs them and also how to find resolutions to them.
General Causes of Conflicts
There are different causes of conflict but generally most of them are just add-ons from other ones or just a manifestation or outgrown version of the main causes. Below are a few fundamental causes of conflict that needs to be understood.
We as humans have a worldview, an orientation and build up that determines our thought process on every single thing in life and about living it.
The surprising thing yet overlooked is that our thought process is what kick starts a conflict process. A person’s mindset about something is valued by him or her as highly important hence closely guarded. Belittling that mindset is waging war on the personality of that person.
An opinion is like a tied knot, once untied it remains so. The difference in opinion is a known primary cause of conflicts.
The way we interpret things is another cause of conflicts. One’s worldview is important and a determinant of how we accept or reject others’.
Once your perception is interpreting something in a particular way and is with a limitation on how another perceives the same thing, disagreement is bound to set in and could give way to conflict if a middle ground of understanding is not found.
One of the greatest causes of conflict is our behavior towards others. Behavior is a habit formed and once it’s not un-formed it becomes a part of one’s life.
Our differences in behavior are very vital to the start, causes, management, and resolution of conflicts. So the big question is, which behavior do you possess and it that fostering unity or causing conflicts
What Starts the Conflict in Marriages
- Pretending to be the same – And the two shall be one! There is a fundamental difference between a man and a woman, and when this is clearly understood, there is harmony. But if it seem like a power struggle, there will be cracks eventually. When a misunderstanding arise, which usually do, issues are solved easily by acknowledging and/or establishing the differences. Clearly, men like to give and not sacrifice, the woman, on the other hand, would be comfortable to sacrifice, and these among a lot are the differences in men and women.
- Money -with or without money conflicts surely arise. Disclosure and/or undisclosure of incomes, salary amounts, housekeeping allowances, and anything that involves money can trigger conflict between a couple. Maturity is what is needed! Respect for each other coupled with understanding is what makes the marriage withstand the chances of having monetary conflicts.
- Family Background- Individual orientation and upbringing is another thing that informs conflicts in any marriage. Marriage is between two individuals of different backgrounds that have come together on a journey. There are bound to be differences in opinions due to their separate orientations growing up. For instance, some family standards that may be entrenched with an unwilling heart to let go. A point of non-compromise will definitely escalate minor misunderstanding into conflicts.
- Toughen up and separate yourself from the pains and hurt before trying to resolve the situation. When conflicts arise, it is best to take time off the situation in a first and foremost move. Learn to detach yourself from the pains and the hurt in order to have a clear head and objectively deal with the situation. This when done, provides clarity to find lasting solutions and helps the parties learn to understand and appreciate each other to avoid further misunderstandings.
- Observe silently, watch and learn! Most times, a lack of patience and wrong assessment of a situation can blow things out of proportion to become conflicts. When conflicts do arise, the best and most important technique is to stay calm, observe the happenings in silence and learn a thing or two to be better informed as to how to find a resolution. Who knows your point of view of the situation could be wrong.
- Key in resolving conflicts in marriages has most times been the ability to keep up the faith and prayer times. Many commit to faith and pray when entering into the union but fail to find that same medium when things do not go according to their plans. When praying for all other things remember to pray for understanding to abide in the union as the first and last resort to resolving conflicts.
Always remember that so long as we are humans and not with the same mindsets and makeup, conflicts are bound to be there.
But know that conflicts always get resolved through dialogue and a part of the dialogue is that arguments are normal in marriages. So let’s talk about it and be fair with one another.
Share your thoughts on this in the comments section and let us know some causes of conflicts in your space and how you resolve them.