Cheating Is Not the Problem, You Are. Dating is not exclusive. No matter how much we want it to be.
The main reason why we shame so called “cheaters” and get upset when we find our partners flirt with others is because we’re scared of being lonely.
Throughout our lives we’ve always had to have someone near us to fill up the void of loneliness deep inside us. Be it a friend, teacher, parent, we could never stand being lonely and getting to know ourselves. Now that you got yourself into a relationship, you don’t have to worry about being lonely.
At least for now.
That’s why we get so attached in relationships, and can never let our partner love anyone else.
We confuse love with the desire to take possession of someone. It’s a selfish desire between the two that for a moment, solves the problem of having to face their own loneliness. It’s the fear of abandonment and loneliness that gets us to snap quickly into relationships that aren’t worth much.
But if we’re living and not just existing, we are growing and changing ourselves, and so changing the type of people we want to meet and date.
Loneliness has become such a taboo in our world that we can no longer stand being somewhere outside our homes without our phones. We need to always be texting, gaming, or just holding up our phones so that others don’t think there is something wrong with us.
You can mention anything from religion to sex to Trump, and you can have a discussion. But the moment someone brings up loneliness, everyone in the room avoids and leaves you alone.
When we’re alone, we are forced to deal with the negative thoughts we so wish to remove from our heads. When we don’t have someone to distract us, we are hit face to face with who we truly are.
We attach ourselves to something, someone, anyone that hides from facing this reality. And so we enter terrible relationships, and get possessive of our partners. Not letting them flirt or touch anyone.
The problem with that is that there are different types of attraction. There is a romantic attraction, aesthetic and physical attraction. Why can’t a person feel both at the same time but for different people.
Also, there are people who can feel a romantic attraction for more than one person. People who can and are better off in open relationships.
So cheating isn’t black and white. Sometimes it’s because they’re also attracted to someone else.
We should ask ourselves, How would I feel if my partner developed an attraction for someone else? If he slept with someone else, if he gave flowers to someone?
If you imagine yourself reacting all upset and threatened, then you should look deep within yourself, for there is an area deep inside that you’ve been avoiding this entire time.
Our relationships are important pockets of information that reveal a lot about ourselves as the one thing in common across them: you. So be self-aware of how you engage with others, for it is an accurate reflection of how you treat yourself.
Comments and feedback are welcomed below. Whether you want to clap or not is up to you. It’s your choice what you want to do with this post.
– Marcelo S.L. Fernandes