I haven’t shared with anyone aside from my therapist, and it was hard to tell her. I have been married for 10 years. When my husband and I were dating for five years, he had taken a work assignment in another state for 1 year, the distance was hard and because I had thought we would be getting engaged by that point, I was ready to end the relationship.
I was young, and I didn’t want to waste years of my life with a man who couldn’t commit. When I had decided to end things, that’s when he proposed and told me all of the things I had wanted to hear from him about how I was the one person he wanted to be with for ever, and spending a year away from me had been so hard for him.
He presented me with a beautiful diamond ring, one that I still receive compliments on regularly. I accepted his proposal and we planned a beautiful wedding. A few months into the wedding planning, I found out he had cheated on me during the time he was living in another state. I confronted him on it, and it was initially denied, but then he admitted to it. I gave him the ring back, I was absolutely devastated.
He convinced me that I was the one he truly loves, and although I can’t believe I did this, I took the ring back and chose to be with him. I told myself that we had a history together, that he wouldn’t propose unless he truly loved me.
We got married and had a beautiful wedding in the Spring. I never forgot what he did, it was always in the back of my mind. I chose to marry him even with the knowledge of what he did, so Its my fault that I am in this situation, but I never thought I would still feel this way after so many years. We have two beautiful children together, they look like a combination of us. They are my world and I love them more than I thought it was possible to love anything.
We have had good times through the years, we have had not so good times as well. I have never forgotten what he did. It’s there in my mind each and every time we are intimate. I thought that over time, I would forget about it, but I never have. It is always there between us, keeping me from fully loving him and ensuring that our marriage will never be what I wished it to be. If I had it to do over, would I still have married him?
That is a tough question for me to answer, because I have two beautiful babies from him, and so for that my answer would be yes. But I have never forgiven myself for staying with someone who could do that to me. I think that as I was getting a little older and knew I wanted to have a family, and I had invested five years into the relationship, I just felt scared to leave him.
If I could give anyone advice who found themselves in my situation or something similar, before kids were involved, it would be to leave. Don’t think that time will heal the wounds, because it won’t. You will never forget, it will always be there. Memories are powerful, and this one bad memory will overpower the rest of them.
I speak not just from my own experience, but from friends who have been victims of a spouse’s betrayal. You can go to counseling, you can travel together, you can rekindle your romance, you can do all of these things, but it’s always there. You will never escape that betrayal, you will never feel what you once felt, pure love. Don’t do that to yourself. It’s better to start fresh with someone else who will never hurt you that way.